little update

its been a little bit sense i have posted anything, but lets be real there is always a big gap between posts.  life has been fun and crazy during the summer its been nice to have daniel home some and able to go swimming and play with us more.  we are now living in north ogden and i actually really do enjoy it.  my heart has been very heavy the last almost three weeks.  In May we found out we were expecting another sweet baby.  I will admit i was a little nervous but only a little Ellie and this baby would be 15 months apart.  I want my babies close in age.  When i went in for my 10 week apt the baby was only measuring a little over 6 weeks.  i did not get the dates mixed up or anything the baby was just not growing.  My amazing dr found  the heart beat and told me to come back in a week to see if it has grown any.  she told me ether we got the dates mixed up or the baby would have birth defects.  this broke my heart to hear this and when i did i had a feeling we would loose this baby.  with the three other pregnancies i have had i have been sick by week 7 so i was a scared something was wrong. i tried to not worry so much and just tried to have fun on our trip ( we were in texas visiting family)
so i went back a week later and was given the news that daniel and i had lost another baby.  i dont want to sound like i am complaining because i have two amazing beautiful healthy babies. it still hurts and is still not easy.  im so blessed and grateful to have Lincoln and Ellie  so i can hold and love and kiss them and that they can keep me busy.  I am blessed to have daniel and how he helps me be strong.  i know you dont want to know this but i am still bleeding and cramping bad i just want this to be done and over so i can start to feel like my self again and to not have the constant reminder that im not pregnant and that i lost another baby.  I was due in january and i really was so excited and could not wait to see Ellie be a big sister and for linc to have another sibling he has been amazing with ellie! the baby was almost 12 weeks and i always wonder what they would have been like.  i have lost two but i have two amazing ones with our family who we love so much.  i dont really like to post so much personal stuff but i felt i needed to tell someone. lets hope there is not such a big gap between this and my next post. till next time.